Snacking in Private

To this day, I still do it.

Shovel handfuls of 

chocolate chips into

my open mouth like 

you’ll catch me rifling 

through the bag in the 

middle of the night. 

Still base my appetite

around hunger suppressants; 

coffee, 

ice chips,

nicotine.

When I quit smoking at 18

I didn’t anticipate the weight gain.

No one warned me

my cravings wouldn’t be 

for the head rush,

but for the feeling of 

hip bones, collar bones,

knobby knees.

Now at 21 I smoke weed,

time my seshes 

around when my roommates won’t be home.

Get the munchies and eat like

I’m 16 again. Eat until I

feel sick, until I think 

I will never eat again.

And then eat more.